Mr Wobbly Gobbly

“It was Tanner who thought the whole thing up,” offered Darling. “He knew you would be mad enough to…well, kind of stay if he…you know.” His voice tapered off as Marge took a step toward him.

“And what were you going to do if I left?”

“I would have left,” said Louise defiantly. “We don’t want to work with another SM. You’re the best.”

There was a chorus of approval.

Tanner approached. “Marge, have you met the head of Parks? He takes a bit of getting used to, so I’m volunteering to liase with him on the flower show next week.”

“That’s if you’re still here, Tanner.” 

In the silence that followed, a voice suddenly boomed out from the stage door area below.

“Hey, anyone in this bloody flea-pit stage at home? I’ve got two small loaders and two trucks full of soil. Hello! Where the bloody hell is that stupid blonde dipstick SM? No wonder my boys call you lot a load of limp-wristed fairies. Ha, ha, ha.”

Tanner smiled. “Head of Parks, Mr bleedin’ ‘Gobby’ Fanshaw.”

Marge’s hand shook as she pointed at Tanner. “You keep him out of my way and remember – this is MY stage,” she hissed. Now, go sort him out.”

The gang laughed and congratulated each other.

“Don’t stand there too long, guys. I just deferred my decision until later. Now, this flower show is not going to build itself. Sparks, it needs lighting. Go and sort it out and all of you – just get lost. I won’t forgive you for this.”

*** 

Fanshaw, grossly overweight,  stood on the loading dock mopping a bald head. He raised one foot and passed wind in a long noisy note. His tiny piggy eyes looked out of place, set either side of a large red nose. Over six foot tall with a prominent belly behind a bib and braces work outfit Tanner had nicknamed him ‘Wobbly Gobbly.’

“Hello, Wobbly. With practice, you could play ‘Neighbours’ tune through your exhaust system.” Tanner grinned and patted Fanshaw’s belly. “Can’t be long now. Have you thought of a name?”

Fanshaw took a swipe, missing Tanner. “You horrible little germ. Bloody good job you’re not working for me.” 

Tanner grinned. “I agree. As we love each other, the staff would start thinking it was mine.”

Fanshaw pointed a dirty finger at Tanner. “I want to see that stupid SM of yours. I’m not working with you.”

“Talkin’ of her, Wobbly, Your disrespect of her and this theatre has been noted by the staff. My job is to liase with you. Apart from that, don’t expect any special favours cos we’re out of ‘em.” He waggled a finger. “Okay, you fat fart?”

“Just get me offloaded,” said Fanshaw. He took another swipe but missed and stepped toward the ramp. His foot slipped, and he fell into a pool of water.

Tanner reached for the wall phone. “Hi, Marge,” he giggled. “Mr Fanshaw needs a doctor. His water just broke.”