Chapter 8

Written by: Isi

Dave woke to a dull ache in his head. He let his gaze wander from the roof to a figure sitting beside him.

‘Melanie,’ he muttered.

 The effort it took to speak made him wince.

Melanie moved closer and laid her palm on his hand.

‘What happened?’ he mumbled.

‘You were shot.’

‘Who?’     

He drifted into unconsciousness.

Melanie sat there feeling responsible for his tragedy. Dave was a good, reliable man; she should be in love with him. Instead she had brought this tragedy on him. Had she been a little more sensitive, had she not betrayed what she felt for Daniel he wouldn’t be lying here unconscious. She got off the chair, just as two nurses came inside.

‘He came around for a few seconds,’ she told them, and walked towards the door as both nurses moved over to Dave. Just before she left the room, she took one more look at Dave and couldn’t help the tears that welled up in her eyes.

Still her heart burned for Daniel. Her body yearned for the feel of his strong arms.

 

 

‘I trusted you,’ Uchendu blurted out and walked away from Daniel towards the lakeshore behind Gessup’s farm. The police had left half a dozen armed guards in the area, but Daniel had made sure they stayed away from areas around the lake. He was determined to comb them for clues the attackers had left behind. ‘You assured me everything was going to be fine.’

‘Sure, I did,’ he replied and walked over to her. ‘I don’t know how they followed you here.’

‘They didn’t follow me, Daniel,’ Uchendu replied, and continued walking. ‘They were waiting…..’

‘Yes, you’re right,’ Daniel said walking past her. ‘I didn’t realize they were a threat until it was too late, but at least, your kid brother is safe.’

‘Yes, and for that, I’m grateful, but this whole thing has messed up our lives. We can’t ever return to Nigeria.’

She broke down then and began to sob, her body shaking with emotion. She fell into Daniel’s arms.

They had now walked onto Dave’s territory.

Daniel moved to hold her. He had worked with Uchendu for over three years and their working relationship had made them kindred.

‘I swear, I’ll make them pay,’ he declared.

 

 

Melanie got back to her farm and decided to drop in on Dave’s mother. She believed she owed him that at least, to be sure she was doing okay. She made her way beside the lakeshore, heading for the lodge where Dave’s mother lay incapacitated. Melanie's mind was filled with thoughts of Daniel. But as she took the detour leading to the rear of the lodge, she caught sight of the entwined figures of Daniel and a black woman she swore looked like Naomi Campbell. Walking with tentative steps, she went towards them.

            Daniel saw her first, but before he broke free of Uchendu, Melanie had turned and headed towards Dave’s lodge.

 

Isi Agbi (Germany)

 

 

Comments

One of the best so far. Isi has brought all the characters together. Tension has been increased, the story has been moved  along, and the conflict heightened. There is enough believability for the last two writers to create a great climax to the story. The hook is a one liner that grabs the attention - you can see the characters' movements in the mind's eye.
Good way to end this with Daniel getting it on with someone else.  This gives more material for the next episode.  It was well split up with different characters taking separate parts of the story.  The pace was kept up and it was short and clear
This was very well written and the perfect "misunderstanding that needs to be cleared up" for a romance
Thanks Sumanda, but I'd rather credit Raymond for weeding out the odd words after I had written it. If the truth be known, I wrote it in one draft, and on the day it was due for submission with lots of mistakes. Nevertheless, I appreciate your kind comment.
It's always hard to read the chapter that follows mine. I don't know about anyone else, but when I write that chapter, I have the whole story mapped out in my head. So I've waited to say anything until that ownership has faded. I jumped up and down with joy to see Isi had picked up and ran on the Daniel/Uchendu mistaken relationship thing. Ausgezeichnet! Isi, you have a clean writing style that I enjoy. There are some passive sentencing and mistaken words - "roof" for "ceiling" - but I chalk that up to an fantastic showing for someone writing English as a second language. I took German for 3 years, and doubt that I could put one sentence together correctly in that language. There's a bit of telling in this chapter, both in character development and action. I was disappointed in the lackluster pacing and energy this late in the game. But all in all, the chapter drives the two main characters in the right direction for a proper ending.
Thanks Annette, the lackluster pacing and energy weren't lost on me when I finished the chapter, but I guess I need to improve on my choice of words and expression.