Chapter 5

Written by: Suraya Dewing

The soft yellow cloud rose above the freshly cut grass. It circled around a thick bush with red apples pressing out from behind large green leaves. The cloud paused to suck on sweet apple juice, then it rose, swooped, and circled towards Kali and her captors. At first the hum seemed far off and Kali wondered if she imagined it. But it drew nearer and the sweet smell of honey mead wrapped itself around Kali’s head like a crown. The sound drew closer and as it did Kali could hear its musical thrum. That combined with the aroma of honey mead lifted her frightened heart and made her dare to hope that Jay and Sime would be stopped. 

“You know you will only bring the wrath of the village down on you,” she said through the bag over her head.

The boys laughed loudly.

“What did you just say?” Jay demanded.

“She said,” Sime mocked, “that everyone will love us if we rid the village of this horrible girl.”

The boys laughed loudly. But through their laughter Kali could hear the humming getting louder. For some reason the boys could not and they continued to taunt her as they dragged her toward the cave where many terrible creatures lived.

“Hurry up Jay,” Sime ordered, his voice urgent now. “We don’t want anyone to see.”

Sime looked around slyly but could see nothing. They continued dragging Kali through the field, making her stumble over clumps of grass and graze her knees against the stumps of trees.

Neither saw the Fawn standing on a small hill near the mountain. He was invisible. The Fawn ducked his head and the bees did a loop in the air then fell back into formation. They were drawing closer to the boys but the boys still did not see them. The Fawn ducked his head again and the bees flew faster.

The dark hole in the side of the mountain on which the Fawn stood came into view and Kali smelt the dank cold air coming from it. She started to cry with terror. Now she knew where they were taking her. It was the Underground Hole of the Untouchables and she knew that terrifying creatures lived in that place. There were three headed monsters, giant serpents that coiled around each other until they became one creature, their forked tongues spitting poison into the air. But the worst creature of all was the terrible big fisted giant who picked up tiny people like her and dashed them against the crashing pin needle rocks around which the icy river wound.

 Her sense of calm fled as she planted her feet into the ground, and struggled to get free. But to no avail. The two boys simply dragged her along.

The Fawn lifted his head and gave a loud roar. At this order the bees started flying faster. They flew as one around Jay and Sime and stung them mercilessly.


My favorite subject - description, description, description. What a wonderful 500 words. The story still unfolds but for me, I just wanted to read the description and step into Suraya's scene and help Kali. The first paragraph got me hooked and the dialogue was just enough to add realism and character trait. Giant Serpents spitting poison with forked tongues and tiny people dashed against pin-needle rocks. It's all there and really exciting. This chapter stands out for me. Terrific piece, Suraya.
Well that is such a relief. I had terrible doubts because it is a genre I don't usually work with and I was afraid I had muffed it. Thank you so much!